I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.