Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
