McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real