I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
Love having children with random chicks
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.