I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
vagina is talking i cant
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit