I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
