She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
