i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
