At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
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