i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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