Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
