; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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