Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
