I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
