it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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