yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
