Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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