Soap is not a condiment
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
