And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
