Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
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so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
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gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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