I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
15 Things That Could NEVER Happen Anywhere But the South
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
15 Times “Flight of the Conchords” Made You Feel Better About Being a Twenty-Something
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.