he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram