I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
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he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
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I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.