He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?