I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
