We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
