i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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