it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
