I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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