dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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