yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
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Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
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Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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