the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
