I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
