I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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