so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
