if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.