she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.