its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed