very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.