Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
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Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
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Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.