I swear god or herbie drove my car home
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.