turn off your phone and go to bed
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.