Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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