i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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