I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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