Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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