Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I want her autograph on my taint
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
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