u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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