oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
