i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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