Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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