White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
