my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
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