best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
cat food counts as protein by the way
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
