My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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