this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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