Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
