i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
