What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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