Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize
