I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
