I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
