the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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