Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
