As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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