just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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