guys are only as good as the porn they watch
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Damn victory sex feels great
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
