whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
