i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I think my vagina is haunted
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
