1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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