hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
