All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
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We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
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Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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