Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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