Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
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